You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
