so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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