NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
