but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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