I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
