every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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