I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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