Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
