I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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