i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
