Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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