Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
