corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
