sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
