Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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