I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
