So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
