come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
