I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
