You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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