i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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