Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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