i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
