I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
