I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is wine microwaveable?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
