She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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