I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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