Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
