You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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