all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
