Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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