kristin has been a bad kristin
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
