I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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