Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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