I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
