You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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