It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
