I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
