That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
