I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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