She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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