Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
