sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
