You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
