Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
