Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
