Do you still have your period?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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