just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
