i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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