I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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