And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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