Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
