Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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