I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
