I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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